May 08

May 08

4 Steps to Healing Your Broken Heart:

Recite These Simple Words

By Brianna Kendrick

Editor, MNF

  As a woman of 22, I am certainly no stranger to a broken heart. I suppose in some ways, me giving advice on how to heal a broken heart is kind of like the pot telling the kettle to try not to be so black. But since I have had my heart broken pretty badly in the past, I’ve had to do a lot of healing myself. These are the steps that I consider to be the ones to take to getting over an ex. It helps to recite them.

Step one: Cherish What You Had

    In this first step, savor every delicious detail of your relationship. Pour over the way he/she looked at you the first time you said “I love you”, reminisce about the time you got down outside in the rain. Whatever your “epic” memories are, allow yourself the right to miss them, guilt free.

           Don’t be afraid to grieve, and don’t let anyone tell you that you don’t have the right to. Grievance, says Dr. Damon Nelson, MD of University of SD, is part of the natural healing process. Although your friends and family may have thought that your ex was a jackass or a cold-hearted *bleep*, your ex was your other have for a length of time that was substantial to you, and that means no one has the right to devalue or demean your relationship, unless you let them.  Yes, you did have something that was special, and yes, you have a right to cherish it.

Recommended listening:

   * What hurts the most – Rascal Flatts

   * Ain't No Sunshine (When She’s Gone) - Bill Withers

Step two: Don’t Forget the Past

Love, like anything else deemed worth having, always seems better than it actually was, when it’s gone. It is human nature to want things simply because we cannot have them anymore. After we break up with someone we didn’t necessarily want to break up with, we tend to magnify his/her relevance to our lives, and glorify their stature as if they were some un-expendable Greek god.  Reality check: You weren’t dating either half of Brangelina, so don’t get sucked into the notion that your ex was the almighty picture of perfection that can never be trumped by anyone else you ever date. This kind of thinking is like quicksand, and if you start to let thoughts like that in, they will suck you into a trap that will inevitably result in your ex having you unde r a stronghold.  

Just as it is important to cherish the good times, it is also very important to remember that your relationship wasn’t perfect, so don’t remember it that way. It may seem like a rose garden to you now, but let’s not overlook the fact that beneath every beautiful blossom lays a plethora of thorns capable of causing immeasurable pain.  Ultimately, remember that there was a reason that you guys broke up. If you’re really honest with yourself, there were probably many reasons.

Recommended Listening:

§         “Rootless Tree” – Damien Rice

§         “Amnesia” -  MoZella

§         “Every Rose Has Its Thorns” – Poison (You know, only listen to the first half)

  Step Three: Accept that it is Gone

  One of the things that make getting over someone extremely difficult is living in the allusion that he/she is coming back. That if you just find her again, and say all the right things at just the right time he’ll forget why he ever dumped you in the first place, and you two will jump into each other’s arms while Elton John serenades you, in the middle of Central Park. This, along with any other melodramatic fantasy your mind may be contriving, is most likely not going to come true.   

  No matter what you do personally, not only is your ex probably NOT coming back, you can’t MAKE him/her come back. If your ex has made up his/her mind that hr/she doesn’t want to be with you, barring a miracle, then that decision is going to stand. I think that one of the hardest things in life is accepting that there are things in this world that we simply just can not control. This can be looked at in one of two ways: bad or good. This is, in fact, is a good thing. The decision has already been made for you. You can wonder, beg, and plead “why?”, until you get a ticket for noise pollution (Yes, such a violation surprisingly exists), but the truth is, the reason why really doesn’t matter. Your ex’s decision still stands. The sooner you accept this fact, the sooner you’ll be on your way to f inally getting over your ex. If someone doesn’t want to be with you bad enough that they disregard the fact that you’re hurting, why would you really want to be with him/her anyway?

Recommended Listening:

   * “You’ll Think of Me” – Keith Urban

   * “Cry Me a River” – Justin Timberlake

   * “Apologize” – One Republic

Step Four: Move On

I know that this step is, more often than not, easier said then done. Once the first three steps are completed, especially the third one, this fourth step comes more easily. Once you really have accepted the facts that a) if you really were meant to be together, you would be, and b) your ex doesn’t want to be with you anymore or she would be. It’s as simple as that. Now there’s nothing left to keep you from moving on. If someone doesn’t want to be with you badly enough that they disregard the fact that you’re hurting, this is not really someone you want to be with anyway, is it? You can do better, can’t you?

Right now you may still feel miserable, like you can’t breathe, and like the only oxygen left on this earth for you resides in your ex’s lungs, accessible only by an excessively long, deep-throat make-out session. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, maybe not even next month, but eventually the pain will stop. It’s a gradual process, but it’s one you can complete. One day you will wake up and she won’t be the first thing on your mind; however, you can’t get over it until you actually want to be over it. Make the decision your ex already has. Move on.

  Recommended Listening:

   * “I Will Survive” – Gloria Gaynor

   * “After Love” – Brittani Senser

   * “I Don’t Want You Back” – The Backstreet Boys (I think your friends will understand)

    Everything happens for a reason. Maybe the break up was 100% your fault, and this is Karma’s way of say “@#$% You”. Maybe you were cheated on, and you’ve made the decision to leave a bad situation, yet the pain still haunts you. Whatever the cause of your broken heart is, know that the Universe tends to have a way of correcting situations, and things that we see as problems. Know that it will eventually heal...  Remember, cherish what you had. Don’t forget the past. Accept that it is gone. Move on.

  Caution: We polled local music college students on top songs to absolutely not listen to after a breakup, unless you want to be suicidal. Take a listen if you’re feeling particularly masochistic:

   * “No One” – The Beetles

   * “There Is” – Boxcar Racer

   * “Brightest” - Copeland

   * “Cannon Ball” – Damien Rice

   * “This Year’s Love” – David Grey

   *  “White Flag” – Dido

   *  “Goodbye My Almost Lover” – James Blunt or A Fine Frenzy

   * “Dive” – Four String

   * “Iris” – The Goo Goo Dolls

   *  “Let Go” – Imogen Heap

   * “Bleeding Love” – Leona Lewis

   *  “Breathe Me” – Sia